There is a heavy weight on my heart, a thick chain wrapped around my center, squeezing, contracting against my skin. Some of the links are old and rusty, some of the links are recently forged; the progression of the chain looks as though it spent years in seawater, with portions never touching the water and others being deeply immersed in it, day after day after day. It jangles and clangs when I try to feel deeply, only allowing a small amount of emotion through. The chain wraps around and around and… Read More »Ball and Chain

Belonging. The thing every kid chases in school. First you find a group of people to belong to, then it changes, or they change or you change, and you try and find your next group to belong to. After school, you move on to work colleagues and out of school friends. They change, you change, you leave jobs, they leave jobs. The cycle continues, over and over and over again. It’s a merry-go-round that you can’t seem to get off of or don’t seem to want to. But what drives… Read More »Belonging

The fork in the road stood before me. To my right, a open path of dark rich soil, wide open, but covered by the shade of the tall trees. It lay open, flat, and easily traveled. It was an extension of the path I was already on, an easy way to traverse the world. I could take this path and keep  moving in my current direction or I could take the left fork and see where it took me. The left path was covered in brush and tree branches. I… Read More »The Left Fork

The key to Pandora’s box, or rather, my Pandora’s box, is knowing that the feeling deep down that I am unlovable is a bunch of hooey. The wall needs to come down, one toe at a time.

  It’s a small trunk. Brown and battered, with leather straps carefully buckled tightly closed. It contains parts of me: my dreams; my hopes; pieces of me that were criticized, belittled, mocked, made fun of; hurts and lessons from my life experiences. I placed them in the box to survive; cut off pieces of me and who I am/dream of being to survive my life experiences. My whole life to this point has been about survival. Being invisible, not standing out, to avoid being mocked or hurt. Pushing all that is me… Read More »Pandora’s Box of Treasures

I float in the lake. Stillness all around. There is no tide, no motion, just stillness. The warm water cups my body and I am numb. I float for years like this through life. No passion, no excitement, just numbness. I want a ripple to appear in the lake. I want a boat to race by, a fish to take a taste, a bird to swoop down; something, anything to break up the stillness, but nothing happens. And even if something would occur, I won’t notice it, in my quiet cocoon… Read More »Inertia