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Writing Journey: Journal Entry 113

April 12, 2023

Emotional State: Finding my Silly Side

Writing

I’m attempting to do what feels impossible – shift my mindset in a way where I get back to writing because I love it. Don’t get me wrong, I love it when I do it and only occasionally feel like it’s a chore (I’m looking at you book 2 with your multiple edits that never ended), but somewhere along this journey, I lost the spark.

When I first sat down to write my book, I did it for two reasons – to show myself that I could and because I absolutely loved it. Since then, my mind has been cluttered with other people’s voices.

“Have more books so that you can earn more royalties.”
“Stay in your lane – pick a genre and do that until it’s finished.”
“There’s a lot of choice out there, so you have to release fast, but also the best books you can write.”

The pressure to get there, to ‘be successful’, has been all consuming. In the process, I lost what inspired me in the first place – the joy of writing. This has caused me to set up all sorts of goals and projects but not finish them. It has caused me to be painfully indecisive about what to do next, which has led to a full shutdown of any kind of creative endeavors.

In short, it’s taken away the driving force that fueled my first book, and the three I wrote after that. It’s not all bad, though. I’ve read more books in the past six weeks than I have in years, but I also find myself stuck in trying to find another good book to read.

So, for now, I’m working on the edits to the second cozy mystery book (and questioning a section of the plot right there in the middle (sigh)), and just letting it be. I’ve got half of a short mystery story and about 10k in a potential new urban fantasy series written, but I’m not pushing it. Instead, I’m meditating, journaling, and taking it easy.

I don’t know how I’m going to get that childlike joy back, but I’ll do my best to figure it out. Maybe my trip to Iceland will help. Or maybe playing DnD with my gamer friends will help. Or maybe time is all I need. Whatever it is, I hope I find it soon. I’m bored of not moving forward.

But I guess being bored is better than being stressed, right?