January 11, 2023
Emotional State: Bouncing Back
And the Pressure’s On
I had a moment last night where I wondered what I was doing all this for. Why was I writing, marketing myself, interacting on social media. Why was I screaming into the void when no one was listening?
You know, the big why.
It started when someone took something I said on social media in a way I didn’t intend and then the pile on came before I could even explain myself. I’ve since deleted the tweet, but it was too late. I’d already begun beating myself up about it and then took it further, drawing in all my other poor me pity thoughts with it to create this big wave of imposter syndrome.
The waters were still this morning when I woke up, because I’m one of those people, unless it’s really bad, who can let it go while I sleep and just move on with life the next day. (Or shove it deep inside until it erupts again. You know, that healthy Gen X way of dealing with emotions.)
I know it wasn’t about that tweet or the people who piled on. I know part of it is screaming into the void, thinking no one will hear me. I even second-guessed writing this post. But then I remembered, I write this post for me. I don’t expect others to read it, respond to it, or even acknowledge it exists. It’s my weekly accountability post where I dig into what’s bothering me, what plot point is escaping me, etc.
And boy do I have a lot to chew through this week, regardless of my wobble last night. So here I am, laying it out and moving forward again.
Ignore the wiggling box of emotions, please. I do.
Writing Plans
I’ve written before about my struggle to market my Space Between series. It’s urban fantasy but doesn’t follow any of the usual tropes. There’s no badass MC, but a young woman trying to figure out her place in the world. There’s no romance, but a growing friendship in a complicated package.
With the end of 2022, a lot of writers are doing year end wrap ups and touting their six-figure book income success. It’s where I want to get to – being successful at writing so that’s all I do. I read a post from an urban fantasy writer who did well this year, with only six books out. Three in 2021 and three in 2022. She’s often referenced in UF Facebook groups as someone to read and her books are good. Not amazing, not knock my socks off, but a fun read with interesting characters and world building.
Anyway, looking at her success, I started to think that maybe I shouldn’t publish four books this year. Or not the four I thought I would. Maybe instead, I’d publish The Dark Space Between, and write and fast release a standard UF series with all the right tropes.
I already have the idea. Just fleshing it out created a separate but connected three book series I could publish next year.
If I do that, though, I have to go balls to the wall. I’ll need to write and edit three books starting in March, plus a reader magnet for the series. I’ll have just two months to edit and format each. It also means I may not be able to fit my cozy mystery series in at all, or at least not like I planned.
I thought long and hard about this. If I want to be a full-time writer, I’ll need to make some sacrifices. And if setting up this new series creates that space for me, what does it matter if the Space Between gets dragged out to one book a year and the cozy mysteries don’t get published until next year or the year after?
Of course, my biggest fear is that in order to keep the money flowing in, I’ll have to write more of these books, which traps me (in a way) into a pattern I’m not necessarily excited about. I want to finish my current series, but that’s a long game (6 or 9 books at least in total). I want to keep writing the cozy mysteries, but I’ll need at least 4-6 of them to get a following and I’ve only written two.
The thing is, I don’t see this other series as a hardship. I’ve already outlined my idea and the first book (mostly). I like where it’s going, I like the characters as well. But I want to make sure I finish what I’ve started with Seraphina. And Jenna.
The current plan is to go balls to the wall. Edit my next book in the morning, work on the new series in the afternoons where I’m not working. I may not be successful, but I can’t succeed if I don’t at least try.
And I really want to succeed.