December 28, 2022
Emotional State: Reflectively Lazy
Life on a Pond
It’s the last journal entry of the year. It feels like it should have more weight than it does. Be more reflective, pick apart the bones of 2022, spread the lessons out into the cold sunshine of December, and see the patterns.
But I don’t think I can write that kind of post today. I feel like I’m swimming through murky pond water, with just weight to duck under the water, but not enough to want to swim to the muddy depths below.
There’s a tattoo I want to get of a water lily. They start in the cold dark mud and crawl their way to the surface and sunshine, where they open to the sun. I’m not flourishing, but I’m not floundering either. I’m in that in-between place, feeling lazy yet motivated, productive yet scattered, creative yet bored.
Oh, I’ve made plans, created posts and pictures, set up promotions and plotted out 2023, or at least the first half of it, so I’ve not been too lazy. But I also spent way too much time reading and playing video games instead of editing, writing, or working (the curse of being a freelancer – you have to want to work).
I’ve done just enough to keep the boat bobbing on the water, but not enough to push it to the shore. And I’m alright with that. I might not be in a week, when I’m scrambling to get all the things done, but that’s for future me to worry about. I’m not even motivated enough to flesh out this post. Maybe tomorrow I’ll put together my most loved books of 2022. Or maybe I’ll just pick up another book.
For now, I’ll just keep floating somewhere in between.