September 28, 2022
Week 103
Emotional State: Balancing the Gray
Where You Put Your Focus
Life is a balancing act. Some people juggle more and some less, but in the end, it’s what you put your focus on that really matters. I recently had a discussion with one of the writers I coach about deadlines (they’re looming) and everything that needs to get done. I could see the weight of her to-do list hitting her as tension tightened her face.
I understand that feeling, I’ve been there myself many times. Especially recently. But from my current go with the flow, it’ll be alright attitude, I could also see where the enormity of it all drowned her into panic and inactivity.
Because that’s the thing. The more we stress about the pile on our heads, the heavier it becomes, the harder it is to tackle, the less we do, and the more stressed we become. It’s a cycle that I’ve done my best to chip away at and find what works for me over the years. I’ve almost mastered it with to-do lists.
Writing down each step and then tackling the hardest first (I’m a rip-that-bandaid-right-off person) or ticking off two smaller items so that the list shrinks. Here’s the thing – once I write my list, I stop stressing over it. In fact, once I tick off a few things, I no longer need to pay attention to it at all and will come back to it days later and think, “huh, guess I should do that now.”
It’s amazing how breaking things down into small pieces takes the edge off. Or rather, where I put my focus – on the small steps instead of the giant oh-my-gosh-this-is-huge moment.
This is also where the balance comes in. I read almost all of Saturday and Sunday. I edited a chapter or two, but nothing major. In short, I was deliciously lazy.
However, I am prone to laziness, to my detriment. I get into what I call the gray zone, and nothing really moves me there. The longer I indulge myself, the less likely I’ll get stuff done in the time I have, because I’ll just not feel like it. I’ll put it off for tomorrow until I run out of tomorrows (cue the freakout).
I’m working on that balance. I recognized the issue this time, which is a step in the right direction. I’ve done a few chores to break up reading sessions or work sessions. Nothing major, but enough to move the needle. I’ve written my to-do lists. And I’ve forced myself to sit down and work, even when I didn’t want to.
But I’ve not touched editing Book Two or much of the book marketing because I feel muffled. Directionless. Almost numb. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be doing, and to be honest, I just don’t want to know.
I need to get back on that horse, though, if I want to avoid the stark monochrome landscape oozing my way, one inch at a time, in the guise of “chilling out.” I need to crack open that manuscript and listen to it chapter by chapter to get back in the rhythm of editing, even if I only do a few chapters a week.
And I will. This weekend.
Maybe.