Anyone who follows any social media with writers or authors in it knows that the author ego is fragile. Impostor syndrome looms large at the most inappropriate and unexpected of places. It is a constant struggle not to feel like you couldn’t write yourself out of a paper bag.
On top of all of this internal pressure is external pressure. Beta readers, ARCs, and finally, readers are vying to take you down with their seemingly small comments that destroy your fragile ego, or (hopefully not) their scathing comments on how your book is the worst of the lot.
Navigating this emotional minefield is akin to walking on legos to get to the chocolate bar on the other side of room. I should know; I had a particularly brutal introduction to people I didn’t know reading my book. This article sets out to show you how not to do it and how to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the upcoming bombs about to blow up in your face.
In other words, don’t be me. Or be the me that turned it around, but be that me version right from the start.
Beta Reading Trainwreck
Before diving into the discussion, I wanted to give you the full-flavored version of my instantaneous and unfortunate emotional road to despair from beta reading commentary.
I was writing my first novel, The Deep Space Between. It was going well. My editor had good things to say, although critical, and I was making changes. In short, while I knew it wasn’t amazing, I thought the story was okay.
I’m also a development editor and a former copy-editor. I believe my ability to write well-constructed sentences to be slightly above average, but not in the superstar category.
Back to my story. An already published author in a Facebook group threw out the need for beta readers on his book, which was in the same genre as mine. Seizing the moment before I thought too hard about it, I said I could do it, but would he be up for a swap?
He was. Awesome. An author in my genre whom I didn’t know would be reviewing my book. It was daunting but a good step forward for me. I knew I’d get honest opinions from him.
The time came for us to exchange books over Google docs. His was rather lengthy compared to mine (over 100k words vs my 76k words), but I read fast. I had a shorter deadline than him due to an upcoming copy-editing deadline I could not miss. The plan was he’d do mine first and I’d follow up with his review second.
I made it clear in my cover questions and note that the book had not been copy-edited yet and he should ignore any minor grammar errors. He, on the other hand, asked his beta readers to point out any errors if they spotted them (as a favor, not a requirement).
I had not yet started his book. This is another important point, as is that he already had books published. Now that I’ve shared the setup, let’s get down to where it all went wrong, for me, at least.
He began making comments here or there, with a few positive notes. And then he pointed out some grammar errors. Then even more after that, with snarky comments, such as, “This is impossible,” or “not possible.” He caught an error I made numerous times — using ‘ing’ words at the start of a sentence: “Grabbing her drink, Seraphina…” instead of “Seraphina grabbed her drink and ….”
It was not that big a deal, to be honest. And it felt to me like he wasn’t focused on the story, but only on the grammar. I asked him to stop copy-editing it and focus on the story.
He stopped commenting almost altogether. I went from several comments a page to a random comment every other chapter. And then he answered my final questions, mentioned he wasn’t a fan of the story, but it wasn’t his type of fantasy (fair comment), and a few other things he didn’t like (mainly all my characters).
Again, all fine. He did leave one comment that he stopped focusing on any consistency issues or other problems because I asked him to stop. That was not what I wanted him to stop, but again, there was nothing I could do about any of it, so fine. (Noticing the ‘fines’ here? I’m not fine, with any of it, especially at the point in time when I read it.)
I lost the plot over his comments. They upset me as if someone had ripped my heart out and stomped on it. I felt inept. I couldn’t even get the grammar right, so how could I ever write a book people would like?
Yes, I went there. The author’s pit of despair. I second-guessed my book, my writing, whether I should publish it at all. The whole works.
One of the speakers I heard during my writing journey was V.E. Schwab. She said something so profoundly on point, that I remembered it in the lowest of my lows (emphasis mine):
“And the fact is…it is their rejection and critique, or there are thresholds to test whether you are psychologically ready, as well as creatively ready. How you react to those thresholds, how you react to being told to revise and resubmit to an agent, how you react to being told no. […] It’s a lot about really cultivating the right headspace for the industry that you’re trying to permeate.”
Schwab, V.E. (2021, March 21). Interview with Eric Koester [Video]. Creator Speaker Series, Washington D.C.
The right headspace indeed. I suffered the most crippling doubt I’d had during my book journey — and I had a lot of doubt up to this point. It left me wondering if I could handle any negative reviews at all of my book.
How was I going to survive reviews of my book if some random writer’s critique of my grammar drove me to the arms of the vilest creature in my head — impostor syndrome? Did I have the right mindset to achieve my dream of publishing a book? (The answer at that moment was no, by the way, in case it wasn’t clear.)
I did publish and I did find the right mindset. So what is the ‘right’ mindset and how did I get there?
The Right Mindset
Psychologists have determined that there are two mindsets for success, whatever the endeavor — work, creative, or personal goals. The mindsets are: fixed and growth.
A fixed mindset belongs to those people who believe their talents are innate gifts. They do not need to stretch themselves to be successful, because their unique gifts will bring that success to them.
A growth mindset, on the other hand, belongs to those people who believe their talents develop through hard work, initiative, strategies, and input from others. (Note: I am not wading in to the thorny issue of whether you need talent to be a good writer.)
Most people are a mix of both; the seesaw between the two poles shifting with time and experience. You may think you know everything about a topic until something new comes to light. Then, you can either remain tethered in place or grow your mindset alongside the expanded knowledge.
I’m sure you’ve met a few fixed mindset people who refuse to change their opinions, no matter the topic or who is espousing the new information. These people are not as common as a quick conversation with your family members make it seem to be, but they do exist.
How do you spot which mindset you or they are in? You focus on what they are focused on: judgment or improvement.
Fixed mindsets tend to be more concerned with the judgment of others. You want your talents and uniqueness to be appreciated and seen in the light in which you perceive it. You also tend to have little desire to learn anything new in the field in which your talents lie (if you remain stuck in this mindset, that is).
Growth mindsets, however, are about expansion and growth. You want to improve yourself, your environment, or your output. You are less concerned with judgment and apt to look for feedback instead.
This is where I should have been. Everything the beta reader said that wasn’t subjective was something I could have learned from. But in that time and space, I couldn’t.
I was too fixed in my ability mindset to write well-constructed sentences and took that to mean my writing was good. That beta reader’s criticism hit me right where it counted: my ego and my fixed mindset.
But I didn’t stay there.
How to Get into the Growth Mindset
As a writer, you want to be in the growth mindset as much as possible, because everyone is a critic — and I mean, everyone. You neighbor, your spouse, your friends and the random guy down the block; they all have something to say about your book. You want to be in the right headspace to deal with it, but how do you get there?
It is, as with all things in life, a journey.
First, you need to identify your triggers: the comments, areas, and obstacles that drive your insecure or defensive behavior.
For me, it was decoupling the idea that making grammar mistakes meant my writing was bad. My writing had already improved from the rough draft, even I could see that, but at that moment in time, I took that grammar hit personally. I was not a bad writer because I had a grammar tic, I just wasn’t the best writer I could be.
Then, rewrite your conditions or triggers to something more realistic.
For example, I rewrote the condition I had in my head about grammar and writing. Something like: good writers aren’t grammatically perfect, that’s why editors exist. Or, even grammatically solid good writers will make grammar mistakes. In either scenario, your grammar mistakes don’t equate you to being a bad writer.
For me, an additional step that helped bring me back from my impostor syndrome freakout was reading the beta reader’s book. He too had grammar errors, structural issues, and plot holes and it reset how high I valued his judgment. Yes, he pointed out a valid error, but he wasn’t perfect either.
Once I calmed down, I learned from his comments and I paid attention to any sentence I started in that way. Eventually, then, I did get to the growth mindset. But it was, like the entire writing path, painfully slow.
Why your mindset is important
A growth mindset breeds resilience for the creative path. You need to flex and roll with the punches, the criticism, and the fears because there will be a lot of them.
Writing a solid story and getting good reviews are the lifeblood to make that sale or get those claps on Medium. If you don’t learn from the feedback, your writing will not improve as quickly as if you did.
But it’s also a bit of a numbers game. Reading and story tastes are subjective. You can’t take every negative comment to heart. My beta reader didn’t like the type of story my book was and that was okay; he didn’t have to.
When in doubt, stick with this advice from my editor: take 50% of all feedback and dump the rest. If one person said your book was too complicated to read, that’s okay. It was, for them. If several people tell you the same thing, it’s something for you (i.e., me) to work on in the next book.
And lastly, just a note in case you think I’m saying something I’m not. I will most likely — okay, definitely — still be affected by negative reviews or criticism of my writing and my book. I’ll still feel it.
But it’s what I do after I get over it that is crucial. Do I learn from it or ignore it altogether?
I plan to learn from it, even if I disagree with it. After a proper meltdown, of course.
Originally appeared on The Writing Cooperative.