June 16, 2021
Day 256, Week 36
- Words: 76,502
- Revision v3 Chapters: All
- Emotional State: My prose is…meh
The Book
Imposter syndrome continues to take big bites out of me. Like gigantic hunks of flesh. I saw a picture of a Cookie Cutter shark and bite yesterday (don’t Google it!) and it perfectly reflected my current mindset.
A beta reader has been graciously (and not asked for) marking up the grammar errors they are finding in my book as they read it. When I saw the errors, I completely lost my mind. Full on freak out.
I went down that rabbit hole faster than the chipmunk dives into his hole under the wild rose bush in our backyard. My self-worth tanked and I doubted my ability to write.
Seriously.
I let small grammar errors – it is my first book after all and I haven’t been writing – destroy all the progress I’ve made on my book. And when I say small, I mean SMALL.
And then, due to my extreme reaction, I wondered if I should even release the book. How am I going to handle negative reviews if I can’t handle a little feedback? Am I so naive to my own fears and doubts about my writing?
I shouldn’t be. I haven’t been writing due to those same fears, so why did this catch me so off guard? And how do I survive it? Because this book is getting published and read (hopefully) by random strangers.
I’ve somewhat calmed down from it, but it’s still there lurking in the background, waiting to pounce. Even now, I’m not just typing here, I’m also second-guessing my words, my grammar, my sentence structure.
Grr argh.
Marketing & Life
Book marketing marches on, even though I can’t really push it much right now. But I’ve done some early praise outreach for people I know. Now I need to do the harder stuff – reach out to unknown people.
I think I just need to pull on my boots and get it done. So what if they don’t respond to my email or DM on social media? So what if they block me for reaching too far? Does it really matter?
That’s the thing about this book stuff, though. It ALL matters, at least my fragile ego thinks so. It brings me right back to those days in school, hoping you’re not picked last for dodgeball. Why do we give our egos so much power?!
In other news, life has slowed down. I’ve spent a bit time – again – trying to get a handle on all of the tasks flying around above my head. This time, I’m going old school. Pen and paper. And post it notes on the wall.
I’ve created a Bullet Journal…of sorts. I’ve kept it simple. I’m not sure what will work and what won’t, so I’ve read a few blogs and created my daily task list in an empty notebook we had lying around.
But of course I want to go out and buy a new journal, fancy pens, colorful highlights, and multi-colored post its. Because that makes sense. I’m no more likely to stick to this new way of being organized with a pretty new notebook than I am with the Toronto Raptors one I’m currently using.
But I still want to go out and buy the stuff anyway.
I will say I like the ability to track daily habits, like writing, working out, amount of water drunk, and whether I checked in on my social media accounts for the book. But we’ll see if pen and paper really do work.
I do like the post its on the wall. It’s satisfying ripping them down. It also reminds me of the movie Romancing the Stone. I might pick up a colorful pack when I’m out tomorrow.
Or maybe not.
To read more of my weekly whine fests and writing journal journey posts, click here.