April 7, 2021
Day 184, Week 26
- Words: 77,901 (18,429 revised out)
- Revised Chapters: 34
- Campaign funded: 12%
- Ego Size: Peppercorn
- Emotional State: Rollercoaster Dip
I haven’t touched my novel in about two weeks. I finished revising and couldn’t stomach looking at it. I haven’t been writing either.
Okay, to be fair, I have been writing, just not creative stuff. I’ve been maniacally creating social media posts, blogs, images, tweets, sentences, connections…I’m so tired and overwhelmed. And the sad thing is, I literally just began my campaign.
My campaign that for some reason has become synonymous with my self-worth and my ability to write. And that’s not what it is. It’s not even about my social cachet, even if that’s what we’re being pitched. But back to the rollercoaster…
I took a big deep this past week. Like a terminal fall, with a small rebound, back to a terminal fall kind of dip. Because I launched my campaign and it didn’t do as well as ‘the experts’ said I needed to do in the first 3 days. I hit 10% by Sunday, not the 25% that predicts success. And I let that get to me. I let it chew me up inside and tell me things it isn’t even saying. And the best/worst part? I’m only 5 days in. 5 days in and I’m losing my mind.
So yeah, that’s been fun. Add to that a lot of work stress, taking on two new writers and a lot of word dumping – which is awesome and awful at the same time. I love that they’re writing. I do. I love all of that wonderfulness that is writing and self-expression. I just wish they’d get together and write in a cycle so that it’s not all here’s a giant dump of words for you. Ooo, did you dump on her? Let me too! But this is me deflecting my stress onto work, when it’s not really there.
It’s on that campaign and where I’m at, what it means, what it doesn’t mean.
But getting off that train. Choosing to get off that train, which is way to be happier by the way. You can choose your thoughts. Your thoughts DO impact your emotions. But that’s an argument from a different day, from a different time and space.
Wow, I’m everywhere. It may have to do with the 13 hour day I just had. Or the 3 glasses of wine.
I digress. Two interesting and good things happened today. I received my feedback from the acquisitions editor. Mostly positive goodness with a few areas to work on. Only a little bit of resistance and pinched faceness to that news. I know it needs revising, but it still hurts a little.
And I just spent two hours working out my book series’ story arc with my husband. And it’s seriously good. Like deliciously good. If I can pull it off, it’s going to be an amazing ride for anyone who reads it. My husband has such a good brain to bounce stuff off on and I’m truly grateful for all he does and puts up with from me.
And book 2 is coming together. I have a nebulous plan. A few ideas. A way to bring little easter eggs into the story for later hatching. We still need to work out a few things on politics within my world, but yeah, I’m super hyped about where the book will go.
And the best part? The series’ story arc opens it up to stories on different worlds with different species and I’m seriously all about that exploration. When I get more experience under my belt. When I stop having as much fun with Seraphina and Angwyndith as I’m currently having.
I do love my MCs. They’re a mess and funny and snarky. I hope the book publishes in August so that others can read about them and like them too. And we’re back around to the dip…
I want off, and yet I don’t. The writing rollercoaster is addictive and painful and amazing and gratifying and illuminating. I hope some day soon the dips aren’t so extreme and the highs are more exhilarating.
Some day.
To read more of my weekly whine fests and writing journal journey posts, click here.